I’ve lost a lot of weight recently. Tons and tons of emotional baggage that I’d gotten used to carrying around with me like a giant metal ball attached to my ankle. A ball that had grown and grown and grown so big – that one day I just couldn’t pull it along with me any longer. Not one more inch. It had become too heavy. I was stuck. Stuck in a place where I could do only one of two things: stay stuck forever or start shrinking that ball, or better yet, unleash myself from it all together.
Whenever I move houses – and I do so very frequently for professional reasons – I strive to turn my new place into a real home, my home, as quickly as I can. Last time around I set a new record: I finished the whole thing in just two days of intensive laboring – except for the last five percent. It’s the last boxes that don’t get unpacked. The one or two lamps that don’t get put up. The shoe cabinet that never gets assembled. I don’t know why. I always end up not finishing the last five percent.
So I’ve started this decluttering project of mine. Beginning with the guest room. Well, at least that was the plan. You know that feeling? This urge that sneaks up on you, suggesting to do something different from what you planned on doing? Yep. This one. The procrastinator.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what I wrote yesterday. About what I plan to do with my one wild and precious life. Especially the no regret part. I said I wanted to live so that I have nothing, no thing, to regret when my time eventually runs out. Thinking about it, there is a number of things I already I know I would regret if I didn’t do them. What if I did all of these for a start?
The last few months were a bit of a mini earthquake for me. The big earthquake had already happened before, when I lost all that I had held dear, my marriage, my emotional home and my job satisfaction. The mini earthquake came as an aftermath of what had happened. It’s all the realizations I have had since. And they are no less disturbing than the previous events. The only thing that’s “mini” about them is that they are not easily seen on the outside. As they happened on the inside.