The other day I watched a YouTube video on being ordinary. Or rather, why we tend to believe we have to be extra-ordinary to be considered successful, worthy, or achieved. I’ve long felt that all this talk about how to find your purpose, your calling, your passion is creating a new kind of anxiety. The anxiety of not ever finding out what we are here for. It puts the pressure on. When it might be way more helpful to take it off. And just relax into ourselves.
Today I feel utterly depleted. I spent the whole of yesterday ruminating about what to do about the realization I had come to in my last blog: that I need to leave my job. Since then a fierce battle has been going on inside me: Fear and anxiety have joint forces and are building a huge, seemingly insurmountable wall, with chain-link wire and bottle shards cemented on top of it, around the tiny seed of hope and trust that, if I really did leave my job, everything might just fall into place.