Whenever I move houses – and I do so very frequently for professional reasons – I strive to turn my new place into a real home, my home, as quickly as I can. Last time around I set a new record: I finished the whole thing in just two days of intensive laboring – except for the last five percent. It’s the last boxes that don’t get unpacked. The one or two lamps that don’t get put up. The shoe cabinet that never gets assembled. I don’t know why. I always end up not finishing the last five percent.
I did it! I decluttered my guest room. Which means I can now cross item no 1 off my bucket list. As I suspected it wasn’t a joy ride. Opening the boxes full of old letters and cards and documents that I had unceremoniously stored in one corner of my spare bedroom sent me on a speed trip throughout my youth and early adulthood. And boy, can it be embarrassing to be reminded…
… what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? I just got home from a book reading. Actually, it was more of a mindfulness workshop, but I didn’t know that when I decided to go. The author included lots and lots of mini meditations in her lecture. And one of them focussed on this simple question, taken from a poem by Mary Oliver called The Summer Day.
Some Saturdays are different. Today is one of those. It’s the second Christmas Eve I’m “celebrating” without what used to be my family. I’ve deliberately chosen not to take up an invitation to my best friend’s family party. I just felt like spending the day on my own, enjoying some me-time. As if it was just another Saturday. No different from any other Saturday.
For a very long time I thought that my absolute worst fear was that of venturing out into the emotional unknown, risking my heart to be broken a second time, by you, this time forever. Now I know that there is another, even worse fear: the ultimate fear of missing out on possibly the very best thing that could ever happen to me in my entire life, if only I mustered the courage to overcome my absolute worst fear – for a chance to experience true unconditional love and fearless wholehearted living. With you.