I’m still not done with my decluttering project. Can you believe it? I’ve been at it for over a year now and I have made a lot of progress. Oddly enough, though, it feels strangely cyclic instead of linear. I guess maybe it’s because just as we grow in spirals we declutter in spirals. Not in one straight line.
You may know the Wheel of Life. This ancient spiritual concept that implies that all species reincarnate or move from one body to another to enjoy lifetime after lifetime. There is, however, another Wheel of Life concept that is just as intriguing. It’s a self-assessment tool telling you how well-rounded, literally, your life is. The rounder the better. I retook my Wheel of Life test this morning and was happy to discover the curves it has put on since I first tried it.
The other day I watched a YouTube video on being ordinary. Or rather, why we tend to believe we have to be extra-ordinary to be considered successful, worthy, or achieved. I’ve long felt that all this talk about how to find your purpose, your calling, your passion is creating a new kind of anxiety. The anxiety of not ever finding out what we are here for. It puts the pressure on. When it might be way more helpful to take it off. And just relax into ourselves.
I’ve lost a lot of weight recently. Tons and tons of emotional baggage that I’d gotten used to carrying around with me like a giant metal ball attached to my ankle. A ball that had grown and grown and grown so big – that one day I just couldn’t pull it along with me any longer. Not one more inch. It had become too heavy. I was stuck. Stuck in a place where I could do only one of two things: stay stuck forever or start shrinking that ball, or better yet, unleash myself from it all together.
So, the other day I popped the question. Not the happy one. But the other, the sad one. Are you totally through with us? I’ve been postponing this moment for a few years now. Years of hoping that we would find our way back to each other. In a new, more mature way. Turns out it wasn’t meant to happen. I finally figured that. And asked the question. And got the dreaded response. It was my worst nightmare come true. But it has also liberated me.