I’m no longer a diplomat. Nor a civil servant. As of today, I’m just myself. No job, no income, no title. I cut very thick old ties that, in a not so distant past, I sometimes felt I’d never be able to cut. But I did.
The other day I had a dream. I jumped off something very, very high up in the sky. Maybe a cloud. Maybe even heavens. I jumped off right into an unimaginably deep, steep free fall. Without parachute, yet totally fearless. I just knew nothing could happen to me. But then, suddenly, out of nowhere, doubt crept it.
The other day I discovered Seth Godin, acclaimed author and entrepreneur. I immediately warmed to his calm, unobtrusive demeanor in interviews. I enjoy his succinct, non-redundant writing style. But most importantly I’m flabbergasted. Because he made me realize that I am a cog. Which, according to Seth, makes me the opposite of a linchpin.
Time to let go
So, the other day I popped the question. Not the happy one. But the other, the sad one. Are you totally through with us? I’ve been postponing this moment for a few years now. Years of hoping that we would find our way back to each other. In a new, more mature way. Turns out it wasn’t meant to happen. I finally figured that. And asked the question. And got the dreaded response. It was my worst nightmare come true. But it has also liberated me.
My list has caught up with me. I didn’t think I was ready. But life thought I was. Last Monday I got a text from my aunty whom I’ve met only once in my entire life – three years ago, shortly after I first saw my dad again, for the first time after 29 years of no contact whatsoever. Last Monday my aunty told me he’d been brought into hospital and my very first thought was: I need to get there. I need to get there. And way earlier than I ever thought I would I did item number two of my no-regret bucket list…
You must be logged in to post a comment.