In the run-up to my sabbatical I thought I was going to dive straight into learning about my new topic of interest. I had even already enrolled in a course covering that very same topic. Yet, the start of the course was postponed from July to September. “Unfortunately”, I first thought. From hindsight, this was a blessing in disguise.Continue reading “Unproductive”
I’m no longer a diplomat. Nor a civil servant. As of today, I’m just myself. No job, no income, no title. I cut very thick old ties that, in a not so distant past, I sometimes felt I’d never be able to cut. But I did.
I hit a bit of low point yesterday, as I you may have noticed. Wailing about being forsaken at a lonely train station with no train arriving to take me to the next stop of my life and then wailing some more about not being able to be happy in the Now. Then some of you dropped by to offer some comfort and consolation. And a weird string of aha moments followed.
For a very long time I used to be preoccupied with my past. I wondered a lot about why certain things, family stuff mostly, had happened to me. Why me? Now it’s different. Now I’m telling myself stories about my future, about what I want it to look like. Feels better. Yet I am still lacking something: The ability to find lasting joy in the present moment.
About a year and a half ago I posted a bucket list. I imagined what I would do if I only had six months to live. Four things instantly sprung to my mind and in a very strange string of events I did all of them, within six months. It was a pretty tumultuous experience at times, but very worthwhile. I can now write another bucket list, free of old baggage, this time looking forward.