For a very long time I used to be preoccupied with my past. I wondered a lot about why certain things, family stuff mostly, had happened to me. Why me? Now it’s different. Now I’m telling myself stories about my future, about what I want it to look like. Feels better. Yet I am still lacking something: The ability to find lasting joy in the present moment.
About a year and a half ago I posted a bucket list. I imagined what I would do if I only had six months to live. Four things instantly sprung to my mind and in a very strange string of events I did all of them, within six months. It was a pretty tumultuous experience at times, but very worthwhile. I can now write another bucket list, free of old baggage, this time looking forward.
The other day I had a dream. I jumped off something very, very high up in the sky. Maybe a cloud. Maybe even heavens. I jumped off right into an unimaginably deep, steep free fall. Without parachute, yet totally fearless. I just knew nothing could happen to me. But then, suddenly, out of nowhere, doubt crept it.
Why am I blogging? To be quite honest I didn’t actually ask myself this question when I first started out. I acted more on impulse, out of a need for an emotional outlet, a pressure valve. If nobody read my posts, no harm done. But then something strange happened…
The other day I discovered Seth Godin, acclaimed author and entrepreneur. I immediately warmed to his calm, unobtrusive demeanor in interviews. I enjoy his succinct, non-redundant writing style. But most importantly I’m flabbergasted. Because he made me realize that I am a cog. Which, according to Seth, makes me the opposite of a linchpin.