So I’ve started this decluttering project of mine. Beginning with the guest room. Well, at least that was the plan. You know that feeling? This urge that sneaks up on you, suggesting to do something different from what you planned on doing? Yep. This one. The procrastinator.
Since I made the resolution to clear out the clutter in my guest room I’ve spent an awful lot of time on youtube. I even thought of decluttering my wardrobe and books first. Following the KonMari method. That would make sense, wouldn’t it?
The things is, my wardrobe is already decluttered. Except maybe for a drawer with trousers I am reluctant to give away. And my books, well, same here. There are only four piles of them left since I switched almost entirely to ebooks. It’s a distraction that would take me one hour max.
So what is this all about?
I am DREADING the guest room. Why? Because it contains all the stuff that I don’t want to face. There is this huge pile of unpacked boxes in one corner, staring me right in the face every single time I enter the room. Even the arrival of guests a few months back could not entice me to get on with it and unpack them. I just put a huge blanket on top of them to camouflage the mess.
The simple truth is: I am scared out of my depth of opening the boxes. They contain my past life. The remnants of my marriage, photos, letters, cards and our wedding album. Plus lots and lots and lots of correspondence with friends and family from years back, when I was still young and oblivious to the trials that lay ahead of me.
Facing the boxes means facing the content – which means facing the memories, the joyful and the painful ones, the embarrassment, the immense grief and regret that goes along with some of them. There is no way of unpacking the boxes without plunging right into the unresolved, undigested, messy chapters of my life.
Facing the boxes is facing myself.
So I watch youtube videos instead. Like this one. On procrastination.
It’s one of the best explanations I’ve ever seen on this sneaky thing. Not to mention it’s also pretty funny. Currently, the instant gratification monkey has my steering wheel firmly in its grip. Rational decision-maker is standing by, scratching its head in despair.
The tricky thing with this decluttering project, like with all the other projects on my bucket list, is that there is no clear deadline. At least this is what we’d like to think. Tim knows better. And so do I, really. But hell, is it hard to get started.
Time to do that meditation again, the one I mentioned in my last post.
Feature image © Tim Urban