So I’ve been marinating in this new situation of mine for a few weeks now. I had lots of time to think, and more importantly, to take care of myself. I’ve indulged in hours and hours of sleep – I had a whole lot of catching up to do – and added more and more healthy components to my diet and life style. I’m flushing out the old. I’m decluttering. Internally and externally. Where is that going to lead me? I still don’t know.
There is so much literature out there about that shift of consciousness that’s supposedly going on. It’s weird, though. As much as I read about it, as little evidence do I find for it in my day to day life. The old ways of my surroundings seem so undisturbed. Yet, sometimes I see a little flicker. A friend of mine telling me that I seem to be meeting lots of interesting new people lately, my mom (of all people) taking up yoga and discovering her interest for Reiki. And another friend of mine stopping to drink alcohol and eat meat.
So I guess it is happening, just not in plain view. It’s more of a subdued, quiet change in the background. One that does not need to blow its own trumpet. It just is.
What I find a bit unnerving about it is that it is hard to talk about. I feel I can’t just tell my friends: ‘hey, don’t you think there is much more out there than what we can see? And are we really living up to our potential? And what if we could really co-create our life the way we want it to be by aligning ourselves with who we truly are’.
Besides the not-talking-about-it part, I also find it challenging to find out who I truly am. Dah. I’m sure I’m the only one with that problem… I do struggle with it a lot. I recently, today actually, stumbled over a book that I might start reading: Uncharted: The Journey Through Uncertainty to Infinite Possibility, by Colette Baron-Reid. It seems to be picking me up right were I am at the moment. In that weird space of uncertainty, in the middle of that uncharted territory that wants to be dis-covered.
And just like her I didn’t feel it was a conscious choice. It’s more like I was auto-enrolled in this trip. No way I would have chosen it out of free will. It’s way too uncomfortable, too scary, too unsafe to just venture into, coming from a safe, or seemingly safe environment – my old comfort zone.
Yet here I am. I wrote about it in my new year’s post Untouched. I’ve long started inching carefully ahead in this no man’s land that I have been catapulted into. I don’t have a map for that place, just like Colette says:
When we’re lost, we all want a map – but maps can only show us where we’ve been. They can only reflect the past and our memories of experiences. But we are headed into places uncharted, into an unknown future that has not yet been imagined.
I still haven’t shed the suspicion that there is something out to get me, to catch me off-guard and throw me back into my old misery. However, I have also managed to sustain a bit of my new-found, still fragile hope that the opposite might happen. That by mustering the courage to keep going, even though I have not the slightest idea where I’m going, I might just get to a nice place after all. Maybe even one that is way more beautiful than the one I have painfully left behind.
The key to all of this seems to be what I have already discovered a while back: that it’s important to rewrite my story. The story I have told myself about myself and that has shaped my life so far. Colette seems to agree:
Our challenge is to let go of our old stories that defined us and forgive others and ourselves. Dropping those stories will free us from the burdens and restrictions that have prevented us from writing new ones.
It’s not as easy to do as it is to know. I don’t seem to be writing my new story yet. Only blog posts. But maybe those are a little a glimpse, a sneak peek of the other type of writing I will hopefully be doing in the near future: rewriting my life’s story. I so can’t wait.
In the meantime I will keep decluttering, internally and externally. To make room for whatever wants to come in.
me
Feature image © Pixabay/Clker
my one life. today 
One of my favorite reminders ~> “A good traveler has no set plans and is not intent on arriving.” ~ Lao Tzu
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It could be the tag line of my blog post. Only, I find it hard not to want to arrive. I’m not quite enjoying the journey (yet) but that might change once I feel I’m getting closer to the feeling state that I long for.
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very true 🌹 the changes are indeed not always seen and it is difficult to talk to others about the shift of consciousness😃. I work with energy so I meet people who know a lot and work hard on shifting their vibrations but if I meet people who don’t I soetimes have a feeling that we are living on different planets
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Yes, different planes! That’s precisely how I feel about that, too. I wonder if they will ever merge?
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maybe not in this life… but the more resistance the more suffering
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True!
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Good luck on your journey to self-discovery! I agree with Colette that it is important to learn how to rewrite our story. We can’t change actual events, but we can certainly stop letting how others have seen us and who others told us we are dictate how we see ourselves today. Have you ever read Amy Tan’s “The Opposite of Fate?” It’s a good book about this very thing.
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Hi Ann, no, I haven’t read her yet. But I just looked up a review of the book and found this quote: “As a storyteller, I know that if I dont like the ending, I can write a better one.” If that applies to books it could also apply to the story of our own life, couldn’t it?! I like that idea. Thank you for the pointer to her.
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I know exactly what you are experiencing and I believe you are going through the stages of spiritual awakening. Check it out and see if this can bring you a few answers. I wrote about my own experiences during each step and I hope it can shed some light. Good luck with your journey.
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I think you might be right. I have long resisted this word, spiritual awakening, because it has been misused by so many people. I also always felt it was a bit presumptuous of me to assume that this was happening to me. So I settled for ‘little openings’, as I feel I have a long way to go. I will check out your journey and would be more than happy to find a few answers there. Thank you for taking the time to comment and your support in this strange period of my life!
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I call the process by its most common name since it allows for research and is most recognized. For myself it doesn’t really matter in which context other people use it as it has to be fitting to me. I’m experiencing this process gor me without care of how others feel about it or if they think I might be crazy. And in a way our own unique and individual process is what makes it so beautiful. Just like our fingerprints which are our own stamp so are our experiences and you can call it whatever feels comfortable. There is no right or wrong in what you experience, no time frames and some people may not even experience all of the steps.
We can only share our experiences with those that may not understand what is going on in the hopes that they can shed some insight.
Thank you so ich for reaching out and for visiting. I do hope you find your own answers and I’m always here for you if I can help in any way. I’m not claiming to know it all and I’m no professional, but I’d be happy to share some insights with you. Hugs
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Good point: researchability! I doubt I would find much helpful information online on ‘little openings”. 🙂 It’s certainly good to have a reference point. I love your fingerprint concept. It takes into account how unique every journey is. I’ll be reading up some more on how you experienced it. Thank you for your kind offer to share insights. You might find the odd question on one post or another.
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Anytime my friend 😉. Thank you for visiting
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🙂
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